arbit

As I sit with a fag I see myself go through my life, all events flash in front of me like pieces of glass strewn all over the place when a bottle is shot through. Scenes of other friends enjoying while I was out of the picture. Scenes of me backstabbing people and an overall feeling of jealousy and loneliness. a feeling so dark and deep that you cannot do anything about it but stare in blank space and watch the movie god has made for you and enjoy the bits and pieces of good events that he cares enough to show you. The hope of getting good memories instead of the nasty ones is worse than the bad memories because it ends with despair and leads to suicidal tendencies.

My life is at a crossroads. A place I have never been before. I am losing my relations which oh so trusted and forming new nascent relations which I cannot trust. Why does this have to happen after all?

Ive got my reasons

A song i have written ---


Ive got my reasons to live and to die
Ive got my reasons to smile and to cry
Who do you think I am?
Am i an idiot who doesnt give a damn

Why do you think i am talking to you?
Don't you know that i love you too?
You broke my heart and hurt my soul
Pierced my integrity and shattered my trust

I hate you now and know you hate me too
Is this why i once made love to you
Go to hell and never be back as
While Im here Satan's not bad at all
To hell i condemn you all your life
even if you dont die, Cant i make it true for you?

But the thing I can't comprehend is
by troubling you, who am i hurting?
Is it in me that my heart lay or
is it you who keeps me alive

Such a tragedy is my life, that i
hate the person i love the most
Why o why does it have to be like this
Am i such a bad chap o' God
Am i such a bad bloke?

Mathemaligion

Dedicated to MG/BG a mentor and a great friend whom ill miss a lot
thanks for all that you have given me Rishabh

After a long time i finally had the inspiration to write again... It was a long major in which everybody got screwed. As in my case most of my life got screwed. I lost a lot but lets not go into that right now...

Actually i was discussing religion with a friend, and mentor, when he told me that religion when started was a political tool. He said that people in this world need to protect and preserve themselves... they need to take care of their resources and develop. A good way to do this was to prepare a set of rules, with the above thought in mind, and then put in the name of god to scare the shit out of everyone and then impose these rules for everyone's welfare. First point- people rose to power within the realms of religion and started misusing this power given to them, eg. his "holiness" the pope who does not respect the personal right of premarital sex and homosexuality, and also the right to contraceptives and freaks out at the mention of the da vinci code. Second point- these guys didnt anticipate that there would be some wise guys and gals who would rise above all this shit and actually realise whats going on...

Then the point came to mathematics... whatever we think and do in this world is logical. ok! now logic is very ambiguous and its a truology that the basic axioms of logic are based on observations and have the potential of being proven wrong. but even then as of now before people actually discover what is outside the matrix or simulacrum, everything is logican. so it is logical enough that our behavious can be modelled acurately by mathematical equations which will predict our behaviour and in some way predict the future based on the choices we make. so thence we try to improve these methods and find a solution to our problems by using these equations. we can thus define what actions will lead to common good and actually implement these actions. and that would be the ultimate religion.

i hate the thought of my freedom and diabolism to be actually limited by mathematical equations but then this are the thoughts i had when i spoke to him. i dont beleive him wholly and i urge you guys not to believe me too. think and do what you want to do. follow your instincts as that is the essence of life.

Uniform Civil Code

Dedicated to Abhishek Singh : Friend and Co-receiver of all the tortures that the government puts us through using the IITs as a weapon...

In one of my discussions with a friend of mine today I came up with a thought for implementing uniform civil code in India. All arguments are based on preserving the cultural unity in diversity of India. But the punch point is what you mean by cultural unity when you try to preserve each religion and the morals of each section of society when you actually need to take the good points of each moral structure and create a synergy between them to come out with something good. Cultural unity doesn’t mean preserving each and every section of society and having different rules for all of them. It is actually allowing a mix of culture.

Hindus make it imperative to have intra caste marriages, Muslims prevent their "women" from marrying outside of Islam. Christians strive on conversions.... is this the proper mix of cultures we are speaking about??? Not at all man...

Secondly, it doesn’t need to be proven that straight, adult males are the stronger part of society. You may quote female empowerment and all that crap, but we know what ground realities are... Okay now some women are really proactive and powerful, but what about the vast majority who are tied up in the ropes of arranged marriages, dowry deaths, polygamy, gay husbands and the worst of all, husbands who cannot pleasure their wives and who won’t even try??? What about gays and lesbians, who are forced into hiding by religious leaders, by claiming that they are sexually weird and unnatural to say the least.

In your house... who eats first? Your mom or your dad? If both of them eat together, you are one lucky dude... but what about the rest? Who does the dishes? Who wait for you when you do not turn up early for dinner and then eats after you eat? Who has given up their career for you and your siblings??? If the answers for all the above questions are both your mom and dad... you are lucky that your family has such values but the rest whose answers are mom... don’t you think it is something unfair against them that's happening?

So hence I feel the protection of women, gays, lesbians and children is more important and higher than anything else. Hence preservation of humanity is more important than preservation of religions.

Uniform civil code gives you that... So implement it...

Sometimes life gets pretty boring at IITD. Two night-outs full of programming, designing and music, later i am sitting here facing my laptop trying to come up with something to write. But bad luck... i got no ideas... will have to log on later to write something

Equality

Last year whenever i used to sit down and try to compare my intelligence with all the other bigheaded creatures that throng the IITD campus i used to feel that, what the hell? I am the most intelligent creature in the campus... everybody else has come through a coaching class and stuff but I did it on my own so in short I am a stud. Whenever a dude used to give answers in class I used to think that I could beat him any day.... but the situation in my head now has changed a lot.

It took me about a year and a half or probably more than that to realise that I am nothing but just above average. Other people prosper because they try and not because I allow them to. I was completely wrong and a fool to believe that I was more intelligent than them.

Maybe if everything that I said just now did not make any sense, here comes the punch point.
It’s all up there in the head. Equality or disparity for that matter is never absolute. It all starts in the weenie little thing called our brain. It is just the way you look at it. Your mindset defines everything.

When a four pointer and a tenner is compared in IIT, you can never say that the four pointer is bad and/or the tenner is good. It can also be the case that the four pointer has a much higher IQ than the tenner. It is all about the "difference." difference about the topic over which you are comparing them, the difference in the things that matter and the difference in your viewpoint.
Tables turn when the person "in the wrong" is your best friend.

Speaking in a larger sense I would like to term equality as the basic feeling that comes in your mind when you think about yourself- relative to another person. When nations, in their constitutions, say that they are equal, it doesn’t mean that they are geographically, biologically and economically alike. It actually means that they consider themselves equal to each other. Equally powerful and equally in a position to claim whatever the nation has to give.

When you ask me the difference between equality of opportunity and opportunity to equality, I’d say that, equality of opportunity is not equality in the sense of the term the way I see it. You are just giving a dude the fish, but opportunity to equality is like actually teaching him how to fish... and that’s a much more meaningful thing to do.

When you allow a man to actually feel and believe that he is equal to another fellow national, he actually becomes equal to the other person. He is able to stand up to the other and put it in himself that he is equal to the other, and that i feel actually means equality.

god- a deity or an excuse

last night i lay awake at night after writing my last blog and i suddenly realised the magnitude of what i had written (an overstatement). whatever cases i tried to present yesternight point to the same thing. how the hell has modi succeeded in killing so many innocent muslims, and is still scot free? how the hell did osama get the balls to finger the mighty usa. forget about these bastards in power, think about all the innocent guys they fooled so that they could accomplish all their sadistic thrills. killing was a passion and god was an excuse which they used. god was turned into a leech hungry for the blood of the other religion. if i am a muslim i will kill a hindu for my god... if i am a hindu i will kill a christian for my own god. what the fuck do you thing god is. okay... we dont know that god exists or something but atleast if the bugger exists he(or she) is not at all interested in your deadly game of passing the "parcel of death."

i beleive that the basic concept of god was brought into being to scare people. some dudes in the society wanted to scare others into not doing some stuff so they tagged those things as being against a code written by a supernatural being called god. who knows the source of the bible? maybe the dude whom you consider as satan was a loner and wanted to be hated by all the earthly buggers so he created a bible which considers him to be wrong. maybe theres no god at all. maybe this is just a matrix conrolled by some very nerdy aliens who seem to be experimenting on us. with all due respect to the information given about casting and metallurgy, who knows if the other facts given in the vedas pertain to facts?

if god actually is a deity, then hail thee almighty... please rid us of this stigma which brands you and in my eyes makes you worse than satan as depicted in the bible. if you are just an excuse for killing and scaring people i hate you. if you are listening to me, enlighten me.

i touched upon only a few topics and im already bored of this stupid topic. i just hope i can speak of something else tomorrow.

adios amigos
think and dont let ignorance flourish

god

who is god?? does anybody know wether he exists or not?? does anyone know wether it is a he or a she? well even if nobody will ever know any facts people beleive like fools and do crazy things for him. i know all the beleivers in the house will stare at me as if im nuts or something... but you can go back to your business as i am not pointing a finger at you guys.... considering god as a center of your faith where you concentrate all your energies is fine... accepted... i have a problem with that too... but anyways lets leave that for now...

if i sit back and think.... the babri marjid demolition was done in the name of "god", what followed also came in the name of god... what the hell is the difference between the hindu god(s) and the muslim god and the christian god, for that matter anyways that their respective followers were prompted to kill each other. no offence to you "o almighty." its their fucking fault that so many kids died before they were born and so many died fighting for you. but if you are as powerful as people claim you are why didnt you stop all the killikgs???

if god had actually kept up to his name and protected the poor and people without options, i would have happily believed in (H)him...

but since that didnt happen.. isnt it true that we are meant to work things out on our own. isnt it true that we are meant to trust ourselves and work on our own for our good. theres no use crying out loud and praying for help when you are fixed up in a bad situation. i say trust yourself more that anyone else and do something concrete instead of asking for supernatural help. i beleive its best to not depend on god.... do whatever you have to do... and dont be a crybaby... if there actually is a god and if he is so caring about his so called children he will help you.... but as of now i dont think any of the holy war victims and kids of people killed by terrorists will testify to this...

anyway... isnt it best to be practical rather than accepting something put into your ears.

i may be wrong and this might be a huge "sin" that i am committing, speaking against the "almighty," but i dare to speak differently.

my boring life

I am sitting, relaxed after a long long time. it seems that the professors in IIT are so fucked up themselves that they want to equate their lives with us and screw us. a month ago, i was totally busy with many projects. one of them being my robotics club. a couple of weeks ago i realised i am going no where with my club activities. ok... i am learning a lot and bullshit but what about other things. i don't get to spend time doing things i value and yearn to do. i hadnt touched my guitar for a whole month or so. so fucking bad. my drumming skills had taken a part of the toll too. that i felt was a huge turning point in my life. i came out of the club that very moment. i enrolled for my hostel's performance at the western night and started putting all my efforts on music. that was when i achieved salvation.
a week later, today, i was planning to sit down with a cup of tea and relax and look over the past.but voila.... my laptop got screw up. I am still trying to repair it as im writing my blog. i care for my cute laptop. wont let it go without a fight.

intro

my first blog
am a very moody creature
sometimes i may wRite in capitals , and sumtimes wrt in sms lngge
you may find me updating my blog regularly or.................................................... maybe i wont log on for a long long time
so expect the unexpected when you read my blog