Monday, September 28, 2009


As I sit with a fag I see myself go through my life, all events flash in front of me like pieces of glass strewn all over the place when a bottle is shot through. Scenes of other friends enjoying while I was out of the picture. Scenes of me backstabbing people and an overall feeling of jealousy and loneliness. a feeling so dark and deep that you cannot do anything about it but stare in blank space and watch the movie god has made for you and enjoy the bits and pieces of good events that he cares enough to show you. The hope of getting good memories instead of the nasty ones is worse than the bad memories because it ends with despair and leads to suicidal tendencies.

My life is at a crossroads. A place I have never been before. I am losing my relations which oh so trusted and forming new nascent relations which I cannot trust. Why does this have to happen after all?

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Ive got my reasons

A song i have written ---

Ive got my reasons to live and to die
Ive got my reasons to smile and to cry
Who do you think I am?
Am i an idiot who doesnt give a damn

Why do you think i am talking to you?
Don't you know that i love you too?
You broke my heart and hurt my soul
Pierced my integrity and shattered my trust

I hate you now and know you hate me too
Is this why i once made love to you
Go to hell and never be back as
While Im here Satan's not bad at all
To hell i condemn you all your life
even if you dont die, Cant i make it true for you?

But the thing I can't comprehend is
by troubling you, who am i hurting?
Is it in me that my heart lay or
is it you who keeps me alive

Such a tragedy is my life, that i
hate the person i love the most
Why o why does it have to be like this
Am i such a bad chap o' God
Am i such a bad bloke?