Sometimes in life without warning your heart turns into a huge abyss of feelings.. everything you put into it just goes deeper inside to such an extent that you dont have any feelings left. I was just facebooking a bit when i got a post from my cousins whom i havent met for the past three years.. I felt a sudden longing for the past, summers when all of us used to be together and have fun... they all used to make fun of me and i used to end up spending my whole vacation, a crybaby.. but those same little things which i used to loathe at that time, i now miss a lot. growth does a lot of things to you.. you find direction, but you forget how to explore. you get maturity but you forget how you used to be care free and happy. you get money but no time. you get foresight so you stop living for the present.
I am at a place right now from where i can see what my future holds for me "most probably" but then in the same movie where i can see money and prosperity i am devoid of happiness... as i said the little things in life. I donot have time to spend with my family and my girlfriend. I donot have time to party with my friends and most of all i see a huge responsibility which is going to act like a leash and stop me from being what i actually know i want to be.
The world is definitely a challenging place to live in. As i read in a sidney sheldon book you have three options you fight, follow or hit the fence. fighters get exhausted, followers are losers and well nobody wants to hit the fence. there is no escape from this prison and you have to live in it till you finish your time and die peacefully or do good time till you get your parole, nirvana.
Sadness coupled with loneliness is a bad place to be in and no matter how much water you pour into the desert it will always remain dry. I need peace...